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Most of us know that funny feeling one gets in his stomach area the time of first sex with a new partner approaches. While there is excitement about the event, arousal due to the attraction and desire due to build up sexual tension there often is some fear as well. While woman often feel uncertain about the looks of their bodies’ men often have another fear - the fear of not being able to perform to her satisfaction.

For most men it is hardwired that they want to impress the woman during this first love making. Most men dream about being the best lover she ever had and her telling him so openly. At the very least they do not want to disappoint her. They fear that they either lose her otherwise. Even worse would be that she might even tell other people about his inabilities.

For a considerable number of guys this is like a dark shadow that clouds not only the initial act but also the following ones. This fear is bad in three respects. First it actually increases the pressure on the guy. Second it distracts him for enjoying the dance of the sexes. Thirdly it distracts him from his lover which in turn makes him a worse lover.

The increase of pressure

It is said that most problems are actually self made. This seemingly harsh saying holds certainly true for performance anxiety. The more anxious you are the more you build up muscle tension. This muscle tension - especially the tension in the pelvic area - can lead to premature ejaculation. It thus leads directly to one of the fears of performance anxiety which is not being able to last as long as the lovers expects.

Secondly the added mental pressure can completely kill arousal. Instead of focusing on the pleasurable sensations that happy in the moment victims of performance anxiety divert their attention to imagined happening in the future. These bad images make it incredibly harder to get a solid erection. Another nightmare has than come to life by focusing on it.

Deadly distractions

What most women want is a lover that enjoys the sensual and sexual side as well as their mind and body. If the lovers mind is preoccupied with worries he will not be able to enjoy the sensuality or the sexual act. He will also be totally distracted from the woman and her experience. Instead of sharing the joy it gets killed in its roots.

Women also appreciate a man that is confident in his sexuality. A man that worries about his performance is everything but confident. He is timid of his own body and lack of control. Women also associate fear with a lack of experience. An inexperience man will not be able to provide guidance, is not someone who is desired by other women and thus loses his attractiveness.

Briefly put you can say that you are shooting yourself in the foot when you worry about your performance in bed. Even in case you don’t last long and your erection is weak you can still make up for a lot by passion and care for you lover. She should be your focus of attention instead of unrealistic imagery about the future.

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